with InteSchool refusal, school avoidance, school can’t … Whatever name you use, increasing numbers of parents find themselves with no alternative but to homeschool, and it’s not always an easy decisions to make.

This article chronicles our journey to make the decision to homeschool our daughter, and the healing program we undertook during the next three years, that helped us both, and enabled her to return to school. It also makes a case for such a program to be introduced as part of mainstream education, suggesting assessment for school readiness for 6-7 year olds. We need to be asking “are their nervous systems sufficiently developed for classroom learning”?

It was written in response to feedback from a recent article on homeschooling. I have written not only as a parent whose child didn’t fit the system, but also drawing on my own experience of being in a classroom in the 1960’s. Not much has changed! I’d had the same symptoms of anxiety 40 years earlier – tummy ache before school, migraine headaches…

Classes have become smaller, children are no longer caned, and the curriculum has evolved – but the underlying issues are still there! A “one size fits all” approach to learning still doesn’t meet the needs of so many children. Our children are letting us know, loud and clear! Through their behaviour they are crying out for help.

Homeschooling – not by Choice but by Necessity

Many parents are not homeschooling by choice, but necessity, often struggling to balance the needs of their child, with a financial need of regular employment. My experience was 20 years ago, and, being older, I was in the fortunate position that our family was able to survive on a single income. For many parents today, this is simply not possible.

I also had the opportunity to do further study and ongoing research. The perspectives presented here are based on my personal homeschooling experience. I also draw on my own therapeutic process, and the privilege of supporting many other children during the last 20 years.

Our Journey

My daughter started asking to be homeschooled as a six year old in her in her second year of school. I have no idea where the idea came from, but homeschooling had certainly never entered my mind. I fully expected that she would start school at five, complete the standard 13 years, and come out transformed somehow. A bit like the proverbial “product on an assembly line”!

Realising that I was medicating her to suppress her anxiety in the classroom I decided I needed to learn more about education philosophy. Meantime, I asked for her to be changed to a less stressful class. When this this didn’t work, we changed schools.

Homeschooling was never a lifestyle choice, but one that I now realise was made by necessity. After two years of deliberation, I finally came to the conclusion that we simply couldn’t continue trying to suppress her needs in an environment that was clearly unsuitable.

School-based Anxiety was Increasing

Eventually, she was spending one or two days a week at school, with the remaining days spent “putting her back together”, so she could return to the classroom! The turning point came when the school contacted me asking “what can we do to help her to stay at school?” Realising that I didn’t want my daughter to be manipulated to “fit the system”, I finally accepted that homeschooling was our only option.

Looking for answers, and researching different approaches to education, I came across The Extra Lesson program. This program uses a series of simple floor exercises to replicate the early movement patterns, strengthening the foundations for learning.

I undertook the training, and we gradually did all the floor exercises together. These included rolling, tummy creeping, gradually progressing to crawling and more complex movements. The shared experience was healing for us both. I also trained in a program of listening therapy, with Integrated Listening Systems, which integrated movements with listening, and we did this together.

Strengthening the Nervous System

We were strengthening her nervous system from the ground up, laying the foundations for all later learning. As such, we were addressing the underlying factors contributing to her anxiety that had made it difficult for her to be in a classroom. After three years of homeschooling she was more than ready to return to school and successfully completed her final six years of high school.

Since 2005 I have since been bringing this program to children in my local area and have seen many positive results. Many of these children have come with diagnoses such as ADHD, Dyslexia and Autism. Assessments show that despite the diagnosis, there were underlying commonalities that could be addressed by recapitulating early movement patterns. This strengthens the nervous system, building pathways in the brain to support learning.

With a more ability to process incoming sensory  information, the children felt safer in the classroom. Feeling safer, they were more open to learning, that is, taking in and processing information received through their senses. They also developed better coordination and motor skills in the process, which also made it much easier to sit still, maintain focus, and benefit from classroom instruction. Gains include self esteem, behaviour, coordination, reading…social skills. Some making friends for the first time.

Learning Difficulties, Development Delay and Neurodivergence

The children were clearly struggling to fit into life in the twenty first century. Terms such as  learning difficulties, and development delay were used to describe their learning and behavioural challenges. The underlying issues, however, were the same as we still in children today.

This was before the concept of neurodivergence came into popular use. This term was used initially to help with understanding people with an ASD diagnosis, noting that no two brains are the same., and there is no such thing as a “normal” brain. It now seems to be more of an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sensory processing difficulties, with or without a diagnosis.

The terminology has changed, but the struggles are the same. When we can see these challenges through the lens of immaturities in underlying development, they can be addressed with an appropriate intervention program.

Development movement programs, such as The Extra Lesson program that I trained in,  have been around since the 1960’s. All slightly different, many draw on the pioneering work of Sally Goddard Blythe, and her research into Primitive Reflexes, as the foundation for later development.

Similar movement-based programs include Move to Learn, The Extra Lesson, and Integrative Thinking. There are probably more, but these are the ones I have come into contact with.

This developmental approach seems to have lost favour as education moved towards developing more cognitive programs, more testing and analysis. Children are not all the same, and are not all ready for school at the same age. Assessments have shown that many carry immaturities in early development that impacts learning potential, not just in school, but other areas of life, including social and emotional development.

The Developing Brain and Readiness for Learning

Early development happens in a certain hierarchical sequence, with each new stage building on successful completion of earlier stages. Overwhelming experiences in infancy and early childhood can impact aspects of this.

The early floor movements are the beginning of your child learning to feel safe in relationship, both with themselves and with others. They are gradually growing in confidence and self esteem, developing the resilience to deal with challenges later in life.

Research shows the presence of trauma, overwhelm, absence of safety during infancy or early childhood can impact early development. There is also a belief that trauma from past generations can be passed on.

The good news is, we can go back and fill in the gaps, with neurodevelopment programs such The Extra Lesson. Dr Norman Doidge, in his book The Brain that Changes Itself, describes our brains as being “plastic”, saying that we can build new pathways for learning. In fact, we are doing this all the time, continually taking in and processing new information from our environment.

Are all Children School-ready at the Same Age?

It is generally assumed that when a child reaches a certain age, they are ready to start school. However, for many, this is not true. Children develop in their own unique way, and are not all school-ready at the same time.

Remediation generally tends to be aimed at treating symptoms, with the continual development of new cognitive programs. This can help if the child’s struggle is due to a deficit in early teaching of foundational skills, but may not be the answer when the issues are developmental.

For many children, the struggle is compounded by trying to survive in the twentieth century. When early stages of  development have been missed or are incomplete, readiness for school is delayed. Assessment shows that many children start school without the necessary foundations for academic learning.

This is where I see the potential benefits of a school program to address underlying developmental immaturities. Learning depends on a child feeling safe in the classroom. Many children, however, find classrooms stressful and do not enjoy school.

When their nervous system detects an absence of safety, a child’s natural focus is on survival. On the other hand, when children feel safe, they are open for learning, not only in the classroom, but for life.

Address Underlying Issues First

When children struggle in class, the tendency has traditionally been to offer more cognitive interventions. I propose an alternative approach, that of addressing underlying issues first, helping the children to become “school ready”.

While 1:1 intervention has been shown to be successful, for a variety of reasons, individualised support  is not available to all families. The constraints to seeking help include financial considerations, being time poor, lack of awareness, and geographical limitations.

Development Program in Schools

As a result I would love to see a movement-based neurodevelopment program in schools, so all children can benefit. Programs developed by the Institute for Neurophysiological Psychology have been run successfully in a number of countries, and are backed up by evidence-based research.

Sensorimotor development programs will not solve all the problems faced by our education systems, but they can go a long way to supporting children, strengthening the nervous systems and building foundations for lifelong learning in all its forms – social, emotional, behavioural, physical and academic.

Towards a New Paradigm of Education

The increasing incidence of school refusal and school can’t highlights the need for change. Our children are telling us this through their behaviours. My experiences were 20 years ago, and the education system is still trying to push an academic curriculum onto children that are not developmentally ready. Nothing has changed!

Many would say that, with increasing numbers of children struggling to fit in, our current education system needs a  complete overhaul. We are still operating with a paradigm developed to meet the needs of industrialists in the nineteenth century. The obedience and compliance needed for working in a factory does not necessarily translate to the needs of today’s children. 

We are trying to fit twenty-first century children into a nineteenth century box, and they’re struggling to get out! Testing and analysis is still being given priority over creativity, passion and freedom of expression. We prescribe mood-stabilising and attention-enhancing drugs to children, to compensate for stress, anxiety and disengagement.

How do we develop a system that allows each child to follow their own pathway, but also fits them to be an effective participant in not only today’s world, but also the world of the future?

Helping Ourselves to Help our Children

Sometimes the best thing we can do to help our children is to work on our own emotional wellbeing. This was certainly true in my case. The more therapeutic work I did on myself, the more my children’s behaviours changed. The ripples spread out to those around us.

As a counsellor working with children, I also like to support their parents. Parenting support is also available through parenting blogs and regular emails with parenting tips (sign up through my website) and a free eBook, Tips for Raising Happy, Healthy Children.

I believe we need to work together as a community to help our children. It has been said “it takes a village to raise a child”, and we are all part of that village. You’re not in this alone.

What Next

Some suggestions to consider:

• Personal therapy, building closer relationships based on understanding and connection.
• Every step we take is a step towards greater understanding, we are making the world a better place for our children, and our children’s children.
• Talk to your child’s school, teachers… build a healthy relationship, get to know them – be their ally, not their judge.
• Research options – find what works for you and your family. Maybe, like we did, you find a program that addresses the underlying issues that your child is struggling with.
• Take action, and be the change you want to see in the world

 

Conclusion

School refusal is a symptom, but it is not the problem. If the child doesn’t fit the system, do we need to change the child, do we change the system, or do we adapt to meet the needs of both?

“Effective education is always a balance between tradition and innovation, rigour and freedom, the individual and the group, the inner world and the outer world.”  – Sir Ken Robinson

For many of us, the decision to homeschool is not a lifestyle choice, but a necessity. A decision not taken lightly, but one taken through the need to support our children’s health and wellbeing

Towards the Future

I would like to see an education system that accepts diversity, creativity and innovation. An environment that is able to acknowledge the giftedness in each one of us, supporting creative intelligence alongside academic achievement. A place where all children have the opportunity to develop to their full potential to be successful and bring their gifts to the world.

“You are your child’s best advocate: do not trust the system more than you trust your own child, and do not trust the system more than you trust your instincts as a parent” – sir Ken Robinson.

Again quoting Sir Ken Robinson “Be the change…”

The power for change is within every one of us. Let’s use it wisely.

Further Reading

• School Refusal – or is it School Rejection?
• Understanding ADHD – an Holistic Approach to Healing
• Sensory Processing and Dyslexia
• Is a Diagnosis of ADHD or Dyslexia Really Necessary?

 

References

• Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain that Changes Itself. Penguin Books. UK.
• Goddard Blythe, S. (2012). Assessing Neuromotor Readiness for Learning – the INPP Screening Test and School Intervention Programme. Wiley-Blackwell. UK.
• Goddard, S. (2023). Reflexes, Learning and Behaviour  – Analysing and unblocking neuro-motor immaturity. Hawthorn Press. UK.
• Robinson, K and Kate. Imagine if… Creating a Future for Us All. Penguin Books. UK.,