Fear of the dark is very common in young children. While it might seem small from an adult perspective, for a child it can feel very real and often overwhelming.
Your child is transitioning from the safety of your company and connection to a world of dreams. For some children, it can be really hard to let go.
I remember how difficult it was for our children, and the tactics they used to try and keep us with them.
Fortunately, there a number of ways that can make this process easier for all of you.
Start with Reassurance
Children need to know:
- You are nearby
- They are safe
- They will be comforted if they need you
Simple reassurance, given calmly and consistently, goes a long way.
Create a Sense of Safety
A few small adjustments can make bedtime feel much less intimidating:
- Leave a soft night light on
- Keep the door slightly open
- Stay with them for a few minutes after lights out
These small steps help bridge the gap between being awake and moving into the world of dreams.
Talk About Their Fears
In the past, there was an idea, known as controlled crying, that leaving a child to cry at bedtime would somehow help them to fall sleep. Parents would check in on them occasionally.
Today, we have more understanding of how our nervous system works, and the need for children to feel safe.
Instead of dismissing or trying to ignore your child’s fear, you might like to gently explore it.
You might ask:
- “I wonder what makes bedtime so hard for you?”
- “Is there something worrying you?”
When your child feels that you understand them, it opens the opportunity for conversations around bedtime.
Rest assured, many other families are working through exactly the same process. sometimes it can help to share your concerns with other parents.
Use Imagination in a Helpful Way
Imagination creates fear—but it can also solve it.
If your child is worried about monsters:
- Try a “monster spray” (just water in a spray bottle)
- Make it part of the bedtime routine
It sounds simple, but it can help your child to feel empowered and in control. then they can relax and feel safe.
The Goal isn’t to Eliminate Fear Overnight
Like most things, this is a gradual process. all behaviours have meaning, and it’s important that we recognise this.
A consistent bedtime routine can help your child to feel calmer at bedtime. Your support, reassurance and understanding, can help them to relax, allowing the fears to naturally fade over time.
If you are struggling with bedtimes, or any other aspect of parenting, you’re welcome to get in touch.
These Might also Help
Calmer Mornings and Bedtimes – tips for parents
After School Meltdowns and School Refusal: and Supporting your Child
