It can be frustrating when it seems that your child isn’t listening.
You might find yourself repeating things over and over, wondering, “Why do I have to say everything three times?” or “Are they simply ignoring me?”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
When children don’t answer our questions, or follow instructions, it’s easy to assume they aren’t listening or aren’t paying attention. But sometimes, there is a deeper reason that they seem to be ignoring us.
Sometimes, what looks like not listening has less to do with a child being difficult and more to do with what they are trying to manage.
There may be too much happening around them, or they may be so absorbed in what they are doing that it is difficult to shift their attention to us.
Listening Isn’t Always Easy
So while your child might hear a lolly wrapper from across the room… they may still struggle to process and follow spoken instructions.
Maybe you’ve noticed your child can become totally absorbed in their own world, often through imaginative play. You speak to them, but they seem to be completely ignoring you.
At other times, they may find it hard to listen in a busy or noisy environment. Sometimes an angry or threatening tone of voice will cause them to “tune out”.
Your children may not be deliberately ignoring you. Listening can be difficult when a child is trying to focus on their game, make sense of our words and block out background noise all at the same time.
Focussing your voice and what you are saying requires them to do several things at once – tune out other noises, process and understand what you are saying, and let go of what they were focussing on.
We can help our children best by “stepping into their world”, tuning into what it might be like for them.
Understanding what might be behind the behaviour, helps you to respond in ways that can offer more appropriate support for your child.
Looking Beneath the Behaviour
When children feel overwhelmed—especially in busy or noisy environments—their nervous system can become overloaded.
When this happens, listening becomes much harder. What can look like “not listening”, or “ignoring us” may actually be a sign that your child feeling overwhelmed and is doing their best to cope.
When we are able to look beyond the behaviour it’s easier to understand and support them.
Each child is unique, and what may be happening for one child, may be completely different for another one.
Counselling and parenting support can help you to build closer family relationships based on understanding and connection.
It doesn’t just happen with children, either!
Perhaps you’ve had the experience of being really focussed on something, and someone loudly proclaims “didn’t you hear what I said?”
Reaching Out
If you are concerned about your child’s listening or other behaviours, support is available. I understand how frustrating it can feel when you don’t feel heard, as though you are talking to yourself.
Counselling offers a space where you can feel seen, heard and understood. There is no rush to achieve anything, and we work at your own pace, addressing whatever it is that you bring to your session.
Trying to understand everything on your own can be confusing and there’s no harm in reaching out for support.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
