Picture this…
Your child is struggling at school. They’re talkative, easily distracted or disruptive, and their teacher suggests an assessment for ADHD.
How does that feel?
You might feel relieved. Finally, there may be an explanation for what you’ve been seeing.
Or you might feel worried, wondering if there is something wrong with your child.
Perhaps you feel a little of both.
If this is where you are, you’re not alone. When a child struggles with attention or behaviour, it’s natural to want to understand why. A diagnosis can be helpful, but it doesn’t always answer every question we have about a child.
Perhaps the question isn’t only whether a child has ADHD, but what else might we need to understand about them?
What Is ADHD?
ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition that can affect attention, activity levels and impulse control. Children with ADHD may find it difficult to sustain attention, manage impulses, sit still or organise themselves. Some also find it difficult to regulate their emotions.
At times they may also focus intensively, when something really interests them.
These challenges can affect learning, friendships and everyday family life.
An ADHD assessment can help us understand a child’s difficulties and identify support that may be helpful. But children are individuals, and even when two children have the same diagnosis, their experiences can be very different.
A diagnosis can give us useful information, but it doesn’t tell us everything about the child. Individuals naturally vary with what they find difficult, what comes naturally to them or what they might need to thrive.
Looking Beyond the Label
When a child struggles to focus, there can be more going on than we first realise.
Attention can be affected by many things, including anxiety, poor sleep, learning difficulties, stress and an environment that feels overwhelming. Some children may also have developmental or differences with sensory processing, such as visual processing, listening and sense of balance that make the demands of being in a classroom seem overwhelming.
These factors can help explain some of the difficulties a child is experiencing, whether or not they have a diagnosis.
This is why I believe it’s important to look at the whole child rather than focusing only on the behaviours that are causing concern.
What might be happening beneath the surface? Is your child finding it difficult to process everything going on around them? Are they worried about keeping up with their classmates? Are there aspects of their development or learning that haven’t yet been understood?
We don’t need to assume that any one of these things is the answer. Instead, we can become curious about what might be contributing to this particular child’s experience.
When a Classroom Feels Overwhelming
Think for a moment about a busy classroom.
There are people talking, chairs moving, sounds coming from different directions, instructions to follow and social expectations to navigate. A child is also expected to listen, concentrate, manage their emotions and keep up with their work.
For some children, managing all of this takes considerable effort.
If a child is already feeling anxious, struggling with a learning task or finding the environment difficult to process, it may become even harder to concentrate and respond calmly.
When we feel overwhelmed or threatened, our nervous system can shift into a stress response. At these times, it can be harder to listen, think clearly, manage emotions and take in new information.
What looks like inattention, restlessness or disruptive behaviour may sometimes be a sign that a child is struggling to manage what is happening around them.
Children need to feel safe enough to learn. And feeling safe involves more than simply being in a physically safe place. It can also mean feeling accepted, understood and able to manage the demands being placed on them.
You might like to read more about this in When School Feels Unsafe: Understanding Your Child’s Nervous System.
What We See at School May Be Only Part of the Story
Sometimes, a child’s behaviour at home can give us clues to aspects they might find challenging at school.
Perhaps they resist going to school, complain of tummy aches or headaches, or become very upset over things that might seem small. They may fall apart after school, withdraw into themselves or seem completely exhausted.
Some children put enormous effort into managing themselves throughout the school day. When they return to a place where they feel more comfortable, that effort can give way to tears, frustration or exhaustion.
Rather than seeing these moments simply as difficult behaviour, we might gently wonder what the child has been carrying throughout the day.
What might they be finding hard? What is taking so much effort? And what would help them feel more supported?
My Story
As both a parent and a practitioner, I’ve experienced some of these questions from both sides.
When my daughter was struggling at school, I initially tried to reduce her anxiety in ways that, looking back, were about helping her fit into an environment that didn’t feel right for her.
I wanted to help her cope, but gradually I began to realise that we needed to look at things differently.
I started researching and exploring what might be contributing to her anxiety at school. Through implementing a neurodevelopment program (and doing it myself), I came to realise how closely learning, behaviour and emotional wellbeing are connected.
That experience deepened my understanding of children and the difficulties they experience. It reinforced for me the importance of looking beyond what we see on the surface and being willing to ask different questions.
A Different Way of Understanding Behaviour
When a child is struggling, it’s understandable to focus on the behaviour we want to change. We want them to listen, settle, concentrate and manage their emotions.
But perhaps we can also ask a different question:
What might my child’s behaviour be telling me?
Behaviour can be a little like the tip of an iceberg. We can see what is happening on the surface, but we may not yet understand everything contributing to it.
Depending on the child, it may also be helpful to explore aspects of their development, including listening, visual processing, coordination, balance or sensory processing. These areas are simply some of the things that may be worth considering when we are trying to understand an individual child’s needs.
The aim to build a picture of the whole child, including their strengths, interests, relationships, experiences as well as the things they find difficult.
Supporting the Whole Child
When we begin to understand what is contributing to a child’s difficulties, we can make more informed decisions about the support they need.
For some children, this may include an ADHD assessment and appropriate treatment or adjustments at school. For others, it may also involve support for anxiety, specific learning difficulties, sensory needs or aspects of development.
Sometimes, small changes in the environment can make everyday demands more manageable. Other children may need more specific, individualised support.
There isn’t one approach that will suit every child. The important thing is that we remain open, paying attention to the child as an individual, rather than looking for generic answers.
With appropriate support, children can develop skills, build confidence and find ways to manage the challenges they experience. Progress may take time, and the path will look different for every child.
Supporting You as a Parent
Living with a child who is restless, impulsive, easily distracted or emotionally overwhelmed can be exhausting. You may find yourself constantly trying to work out what will help, while also managing the impact on family life.
And when you’re worried about your child, it can be difficult to know where to begin.
You deserve support, too.
Parenting support and counselling can offer a space to explore what is happening for your child and for you, without judgement or expectations.
Sometimes, having someone alongside you to make sense of the bigger picture can help you see your child a little differently, perhaps noticing more of their gifts, balancing these with their challenges.
Experience shows that when we are able to support your child holistically we usually see improvements in focus and attention, better emotional regulation, increased confidence and improved learning outcomes.
If you feel this kind of support might be helpful, you’re welcome to reach out and see whether this holistic approach to healing feels right for you
