Parents often worry about the amount of time their child spends on screens – concerned that screen time can affect their child’s social development and emotional wellbeing.
Many are worried that excessive electronic device use may be associated with difficulties with concentration, hyperactivity, focus, attention, and self-esteem which can subsequently learning.
As a developmental practitioner, I have spent more than 20 years supporting children who struggle with focus, attention and learning. During this time, I’ve noticed significant changes in the way children spend their time, including a growing reliance on screens for entertainment and social connection.
At the same time, I’ve also noticed that many children seem to find it harder to engage in imaginative, creative and unstructured play—activities that provide important opportunities for early sensory development, social connection and learning.
However, one thing that really stood out for me, was their need for connection, to feel seen, understood and valued for who they are.
I have also noticed a real hunger for creative expression, such as painting, clay modelling, weaving, finger knitting and origami. The children also loved playing card games – in fact anything that involved building safe, in person social relationships.
Interestingly, my adult clients generally request face-to-face counselling sessions, too.
More than Just the Number of Hours
Parents often worry about the amount of time children spend on their screens. Others might worry if screen use affects their sleep, behaviour and learning.
Feeling stuck and overwhelmed, some parents might also wonder “What can we do instead?”
If this sounds like you, you are not alone.
The question may not simply be about how much screen time your child has.
Screen time is only one piece of the focus and attention puzzle.
The issue is also about what they are not doing when they spend excess time on screens – activities like playing outdoors, connecting socially, reading, developing hobbies and other interests.
We all know that screen time can be addictive, and you’ve probably noticed the pull to pick up your phone in idle moments?
Rather than simply asking ‘Why is my child so drawn to their devices” we can also wonder if there is something missing in the child’s life that makes their devices so attractive?
Instead of asking
“How do I stop my child from spending so much time on their screen?”
We could also ask
“What is drawing them to their screens – and what can we offer instead?
What is Drawing Your Child to their Devices?
When screen use replaces face-to-face connection, children may have fewer opportunities to practise real-life social connections. These may include learning how to read facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and tuning in to how a person might be feeling. We learn these things through being with other people.
You might be tempted to remove digital devices altogether. Rather than simply taking the screen away, it can help to look at why they are drawn to them, and what we can replace them with.
Let’s take a look at why your child might have been drawn to their devices.
Children have said they use screens for social connection, such as gaming with friends. Others might enjoy scrolling social media, keeping up with what’s happening in their world, browsing you-tube and completing homework.
These behaviours are what we see on the surface – maybe they are giving us clues?
Now is Not the Time for a Lecture
If your children have come to rely on devices, you are making some really big lifestyle changes by restricting something they have grown to rely on. Sudden and overly restrictive changes will likely create some strong resistance.
Rather than beginning with a lecture, perhaps try connecting with your child using empathy and understanding.
If they’re using their devices for social connection, you might like to help them find other ways to connect socially, person to person in the real world.
Perhaps you could arrange a family meeting and invite a discussion, offering a brief explanation about why you would like to see some changes, while sharing your concerns and asking for their input.
Changes in device use often involve setting goals as a family, but also role-modelling the behaviour we would like to see in our children. This may include helping them to find more productive ways of spending their time.
Your children might also appreciate being trusted to monitor their screen time themselves.
Giving them autonomy and involving them in decision-making can help them to feel more connected to the changes. This can really help to make any changes effective and long-lasting.
Focus on Empathy and Understanding
You might have more success if you can focus on building connection based on understanding, rather than developing strategies of control and behaviour management.
Here is a suggestion:
“yes I know you like doing it, and you can go back to it later, but right now we’re going to … (go for a walk, have dinner, spend some family time together… your turn to choose tonight’s movie, board game, dinner menu, weekend outing …)
You don’t have to make massive changes all at once – just start with something that feels achievable.
You might like to begin with gently creating new daily routines. Children feel safer when their world is predictable. Focus, attention and self-regulation all improve when we feel safer.
The aim isn’t to eliminate screens altogether, but to create a balance, making room for the other things children need in their lives.
Creating New Routines
Children thrive with daily and weekly routines. This gives a sense of flow through the day, transitioning gradually from one activity to the next.
Before Bed and in the Morning
Bedtime– establish a new bedtime routine, one that replaces devices for at least an hour before bed and leaving screens out of the bedroom. Reducing screen time for an hour before bed can enhance the quality of sleep, which supports healthy brain development.
- Before school – try to gradually establish a new morning routine, perhaps one that involves time for some unstructured outdoor play once they are dressed and ready for the day.
Calmer Mornings and Bedtimes – tips for parents
Create new Rituals of Connection
- Nominating regular phone-free times can be set aside as special occasions for coming together as a family
- Create a regular time in the evening for family activities – board games, card games, puzzles
- Nurture their curiosity – explore, experiment, bake together, try new recipes
- Family movie night
- Read a book together
Make mealtimes special
- Leave phones in another room,
- Sit down together, and take an interest in each other,
- Share your day, anything special that happened
- Practise communication skills of speaking and listening, taking turns
Spending time outside
- Outdoor play can help to anchor children in the real world
- Connect with the healing aspects of nature
Walk and talk – create a special time to connect
Can Nature help your Child Focus and Feel Calmer?
Practise Role Modelling
Children learn from what we do as much as from what we say. Without realising it, they will often copy the behaviour of those around them – particularly their parents!
- Let your children see you deliberately put your phone down, put it in another room, or shut it away in a drawer.
- Spend this bonus time connecting, socialising
Coordinate with other like-minded parents -create a unified front!, especially with younger children – arrange play dates or shared outings, such as going to the park together.
Last but not Least
Parent self-care – yes, you matter, too.
When you feel calmer and more grounded, it can be easier to support your child when they are struggling, and your calm presence often helps them to settle, too.
When Parenting Feels Overwhelming – small ways to care for yourself
Acknowledge Effort
Remember to compliment your family on their achievements. Although it may not look like it at times, they’re doing their best. You might have some small moments of conflict – but your children will feel appreciated if you let them know you care and understand their struggles.
Depending on the age of your child, some of these might be well received:
“I know how hard this is for you. Thank you for trying”
“I’m proud of you”
“I love that we get to spend more time together”
Give yourself a pat on the back, too. Creating major lifestyle changes isn’t always easy, and you are doing your best in challenging times.
The Good News
Making big changes can be difficult for everyone. The trick is to take it slowly, and be gentle with yourself. Lifestyle change can take time, coordination and patience!
Fortunately, our brains are plastic. This means we can re-train them, and we are continually building new neural networks.
When screen use becomes more balanced, children have more opportunity for the activities that support their learning and wellbeing—sleep, movement, conversation, reading, creative play and building real-time, face-to-face relationships.
If you’re worried about your child’s ability to focus and pay attention, balancing screen-time with other activities can help, but is only part of the bigger picture. You might also like to consider other aspects, such as maintaining a healthy diet and spending time in nature.
Could Diet Affect Your Child’s Ability to Focus and Pay Attention?
Can Nature help your Child Focus and Feel Calmer?
Taking a big picture, holistic approach to supporting your child’s ability to focus and pay attention, you might notice they become more settled, less reactive and more balanced emotionally. Other welcome changes may include gains in social skills, memory, and listening.
Learning improves as they are able to open their senses to experiencing life more fully.
It’s OK not to be Perfect
Creating a more balanced relationship with technology takes time. Perhaps start with one small change—a phone-free meal, a screen-free bedtime, a walk together, or ten minutes of shared play.
The aim isn’t to completely remove technology from your child’s life. The plan is to create balance, making sure there is still plenty of time for sleep, movement, creativity, conversation, nature and real-world relationships.
And perhaps most importantly, let your child see that you value those things too.
Children also love to feel seen and valued for who they are, and the gifts they bring to the world.
Spending time together as a family can help children to become more in tune, both with themselves, and the world around them. The result is an improved sense of self – knowing that they are enough, just as they are.
We can achieve this best by role modelling the behaviours we would like to see in our children – choosing to put our own phones away, and spend time together in real-world relationships.
What’s Next?
Making big lifestyle changes can be challenging, particularly when you might already feeling stretched and overwhelmed. Counselling and parent coaching offers you a place where you can feel supported, to share your concerns without judgement.
When Parenting Feels Overwhelming – small ways to care for yourself
If this article has resonated with you, you’re welcome to get in touch.
Related Links
Screen Time, Babies and Toddlers: What Parents Need to Know
References
- Haidt, J. (The Anxious Generation.
- Hari, J. (2023). Stolen Focus. Bloomsbury. Great Britain.
- Mate, G. (2000). Scattered. Plume Publishing. UK.
- Williams, M .and McCormack, G. (2026). Screen Smart Children. Simon and Schuster. Sydney.
