As parents, we spend so much time looking after everyone else that it’s easy to forget about ourselves.
Yet when we’re constantly running on empty, it’s much harder to stay calm, patient and emotionally available for our children.
Looking after yourself isn’t selfish. It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your family.
You’ve probably noticed that your children seem to act out more when you are tired.
Children are like little sponges – they are surprisingly sensitive to the emotional atmosphere around them. When life feels stressful for us, they often feel it too—even if they don’t have the words to explain what they’re experiencing.
Parent Self-Care
If you’re feeling tense, it’s important to take some time out for yourself. Being a parent can bring challenges you probably never even thought about.
There’s nothing wrong with taking time-out to refill your emotional cup when you feel like it’s running low.
It’s OK not to be perfect, and to remind yourself that you’re doing your best.
If you’ve ever travelled on a plane, you will remember being told to put on your own oxygen mask before helping your children. The children will follow your example.
Showing your children how you look after yourself when feeling stressed is the same thing.
Small Ways to Refill your Cup
Taking tie out for yourself is often the first step towards changing your children’s behaviour. This is your chance to relax and unwind.
Self-care doesn’t have to mean finding hours of free time. Sometimes it begins with just one small moment of regaining your emotional balance.
Some things you might like to try include:
- Relax your jaw
- Wriggle your shoulders
- Release your neck muscles
- Take a deep breath into your belly, and exhale slowly
- Shake your body. This can be a full body shake, starting with your legs, moving through your torso, into your arms, shoulders, and neck area.
- Put on some music to dance and sing – or make music and find something to laugh about (even if it is just yourself doing the full body shake).
Time-out for Parents as Part of your Regular Routine
Looking after yourself is not an indulgence. It is essential in order to be able to be present with your family.
The good news is that when one person in a group (or family) takes steps to heal themselves, the impact will flow on to those around them.
Some suggestions for bringing self-care into your regular routine include:
- Going for a walk
- Creating a daily/weekly routine
- Avoiding social media and news reports if they are distressing you
- Staying connected (virtually if necessary) with friends and family
- Finding someone to hug
- Every evening, finding three things from your day to be grateful for
- Set aside five minutes every evening to sit down together and chat – making sure you allow equal time for uninterrupted speaking and listening.
The Next Step
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s OK to ask for help. Sharing your feelings can make big worries seem smaller and more controllable.
Couples counselling can help you to improve your communication, and reduce your stress levels. The plus is that by reducing your reduced stress levels, you can improve your relationships.
Sometimes we become so busy looking after everyone else that we lose touch with what we ourselves need.
Counselling offers a place where you can feel seen, heard and understood. Rather than offering advice, or telling you what to do, my aim is to help you to to slow down, listen to yourself, and begin to find your way again..
My aim is to help you to raise happy, healthy children who are able to achieve to their potential and find their place in the world.
Tips for Raising Happy Healthy Children
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