It’s worrying when you can see your child is doing their best, but still falling behind with reading, writing and spelling.
You know your child is smart and capable – but they are falling behind no matter how much effort they are putting in.
Perhaps you’re feeling stuck, as I did, with no idea how to help.?
Maybe you are confused by so much conflicting advice – but worry about what might actually be most helpful.
You’ve probably realised that traditional responses, such as
- more encouragement,
- pressuring your child,
- asking them to try harder
- more tutoring
aren’t helping.
Smart but Feeling Dumb
One child described her experience as “smart but feeling dumb“.
It doesn’t take long before they start to realise what is happening, their self belief starts to drop, and they lose interest in going to school.
Before we jump to conclusions, it can help to step back and look at the bigger picture.
Looking Beneath the Surface
The answer can lies in looking beneath what appears on the surface
What you see is a child doing their best
Underneath this is often a child whose readiness for reading, writing, and being in a classroom is still developing.
Asking a child with underlying developmental immaturity is like asking a child with a broken leg to run faster.
No matter how hard they try, and how much they want to please you, it is still not happening.
Each Child is Unique
The good news is that there is much we can do to help.
Every child is unique, and there are many factors that can influence learning, behaviour, emotions, and wellbeing.
Here are some questions you might like to consider…
Physical Development
- Has your child’s hearing been checked recently?
- Has your child’ see an optometrist lately?
Sensory and Motor Development
- Have they turned 6 yet?
- Are there signs that early stages of development may be incomplete?
- How long can they balance on one foot with their eyes closed?
- How well can they listen and remember what you have said?
Foundations for Learning: Vision, Balance and Listening
Coordination and Core Strength
- Can they sit still without falling across the desk?
- How well can they catch and throw a ball?
- Can they kick a ball from a standing position?
- Can they follow a moving target with their eyes without moving their head?
Building the Foundations for Learning
School Issues
- Do they enjoy school?
- Do they have close friends at school?
- Is bullying a concern?
- Do they often refuse to go to school?
- What are they like after school – angry, frustrated or withdrawn and quiet?
Home Life
- Have they seen you pick up a book and read for pleasure?
- Do you read to them?
- Is screen time an issue in your home?
- Do they play outdoors regularly – beach, park, sport?
- Do they use imagination in their play, act out characters from stories?
- Do you have a regular bedtime routine?
- Are mornings easy or full of stress?
- Does your child wake happy or grumpy?
- Do they engage in conversations eg at the dinner table, travelling in the car?
- Can they use words to express their feelings?
Emotional Wellbeing
- Does your child seem happy most of the time?
- Have you noticed increased anxiety or worry?
- Are they becoming easily frustrated or overwhelmed?
- Do they seem confident in themselves and their abilities?
- Are they able to talk about their feelings – or do they just use their bodies and act them out?
How You Can Help
For over 20 years I have been bringing a development program to help children with learning delays. The results have been positive, with parents reporting gains in all areas – social, emotional, behavioural, physical as well as being able to sit still and focus in the classroom.
Some things you can do at home include:
- Offer Encouragement
- Acknowledge effort
- Make tasks small and achievable
- No rush, no pressure
- Let them know you value them for who they are, rather than what they achieve
- Find things that interest your child – learning can happen anywhere – not just in a classroom
Talk to the school if you are concerned. You can ask how your child is in the classroom:
- can they focus and pay attention?
- can they sit still?
- do they have friends
- is bullying a concern?
You might like to ask your child’s school about introducing a developmental movement program that can be offered to students who are struggling.
Looking after You
It’s worrying when you want to help, but feel stuck. Sometimes simply talking to someone who understands can make a big difference.
Looking after your own wellbeing is important – as they say, “you can’t pour from an empty cup”.
I’ve been there, and know what it’s like to be puzzled about your child’s learning and behaviour, and looking for answers.
