Have you noticed that your child struggles to focus, particularly when they are feeling anxious or overwhelmed?
Perhaps your child is bright and capable, yet their teacher tells you they are distracted, not paying attention or falling behind in the classroom.
Maybe you’ve even been told that your child might have ADHD.
This can be worrying and confusing, especially when you know how capable your child can be.
There are many reasons why a child might struggle with focus and attention. Sometimes, understanding what is happening requires us to look beyond the behaviour we see and consider what your child might be experiencing.
When Focus Becomes Difficult
When a child struggles to concentrate, it is easy to assume they aren’t listening, aren’t trying hard enough or simply need to pay more attention.
But what if something else is happening?
For some children, the classroom can feel overwhelming. There are people talking, chairs moving, sounds coming from different directions, instructions to follow and social expectations to navigate.
Your child may be trying to listen to the teacher while also managing everything else happening around them.
For a child who is already feeling anxious, tired or overwhelmed, these demands can make concentrating even harder.
Sometimes, the difficulties build up gradually until a child begins to act out in frustration. Other children may withdraw, become quiet or seem to disappear inside themselves.
What we see is their behaviour. Understanding what might be contributing to it can help us respond differently.
The Brain Under Stress
Have you ever tried to reason with your child when they are anxious or in the middle of a meltdown?
You might explain something carefully, only to find that they cannot seem to take it in.
When we feel stressed or anxious, it can become harder to think clearly, concentrate and process information. Children can experience this too.
You might notice that your child has difficulty focusing, seems to tune out when you are speaking, worries about school or finds it difficult to settle at night.
Some children also experience headaches, tummy aches, low energy or other physical symptoms when they are under stress.
Of course, these experiences can have many different explanations. But when they occur alongside difficulties with attention, it may be worth exploring whether something is worrying your child or making everyday demands feel harder to manage.
Feeling Safe Comes First
Children learn best when they feel safe and supported.
Although we may know that a classroom is physically safe, a child can still experience the environment as overwhelming.
Perhaps they are worried about making mistakes, keeping up with their classmates or getting into trouble for not sitting still. They may feel pressure to try harder, behave better or meet expectations that they are finding difficult to manage.
When a child is feeling overwhelmed, much of their energy can go towards coping with the situation. This can make focus and concentration difficult, and they may find it difficult to listen and take in new information.
You may notice that your child seems more relaxed, attentive or interested when they are at home, where there are fewer demands and they feel more comfortable.
This doesn’t necessarily mean the classroom is the cause of their difficulties. It may, however, offer a useful clue about the conditions in which your child finds it easier to focus and learn.
You might find it helpful to read Why Children Need to Feel Safe to Learn.
Could It Be ADHD?
When a child regularly struggles with attention, teachers or parents may begin to wonder whether their child has ADHD.
However, struggling to focus does not, by itself, mean a child has ADHD.
Anxiety, poor sleep, learning difficulties, stress and other developmental or environmental factors can also affect attention. Some children experience more than one of these difficulties at the same time.
Rather than trying to decide from a single behaviour what is happening, it can help to look at the bigger picture.
Looking more closely at your child’s individual experiences, their environment and family history can help us to “tune in” and understand them better.
Rather than focussing on a diagnosis, my role is to meet the person beneath the label.
Looking Beneath the Behaviour
In my work with children and families, I have found that, rather than trying to suppress or manage the behaviour, it can also help if we can understand the child as a whole.
My background and training is is looking at aspects of early development that can influence learning and behaviour. This holistic approach takes in the whole child, and offers a way of understanding each child as an individual.
Aspects of your child’s early development, such as listening, visual processing, coordination and balance can all affect your child’s ability to focus, and can often look like signs of ADHD. When we break the behaviour down into individual parts like this, it can become much easier to see the best way to help your child.
Sometimes, the behaviour that concerns us is only one part of a much bigger picture.
You may find it helpful to read Foundations for Learning: Vision, Balance and Listening.
How You Can Help
Often the first step is to let children know that we see and understand them, helping them to realise that it is not their fault. They are not bad or misbehaving, and are not being blamed them for their struggles.
Acknowledging their efforts can make a difference. Not simply because we are pleased with their achievements, but because we recognise how hard they may be trying.
You don’t need to have all the answers. Sometimes, feeling listened to and understood is a valuable place to begin.
Other everyday activities that can support your child’s nervous system and help improve focus include making sure they get enough sleep, and having a regular bedtime routine.
You may also find that encouraging outdoor play and regular movement breaks can help your child’s concentration. Helping them develop hobbies and other interests as a contrast to school work can help to lure them away from electronic devices, and also improve their ability to focus.
These are are all proven ways that you might be able to gradually incorporate into your week when your child is stressed, and struggling with focus.
You don’t have to work everything out on your own, and there are many ways of helping a restless child that don’t necessarily involve diagnosis and medication..
A Gentle Next Step
Watching your child struggle with focus and attention can be worrying, especially when it begins to affect their learning, friendships or self confidence.
Sometimes, the first step is to look beyond the behaviour and become curious about what might be contributing to your child’s experience.
Each child is unique, and understanding them as individuals is an important part of finding a way forward.
If you are feeling overwhelmed by your child’s challenging behaviours, counselling can also offer you a place to talk through your concerns and feel supported as you process what might help your family.
While it may sound counter-intuitive, often the first place to start is with looking after yourself. You’ve probably heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”?
Parenting can feel exhausting when you are worried about your child, particularly when you don’t yet understand why they are struggling.
You’re very welcome to reach out for support when you feel ready.
